Have you ever been surprised to discover that an old wound you believed was healed has suddenly begun to hurt again? A situation you were sure you had healed and put away. These moments can be annoying, and sometimes frightening. Healing is often hard work. We push ourselves to forgive, and to look at our pain in a new way. We must learn to release the pain we’ve been holding onto like a security blanket, and this isn’t easy. Often, healing means radically redefining our self-concept and sometimes requires we cultivate new values and beliefs in order to carry ourselves forward. So to feel we have gotten to the end of this road, only to find that this wound opens again can be deeply discouraging.
We have deep wisdom within us, and we often protect ourselves from the full hurt of the wounds we bear in life. Our deepest selves know what we can handle, and what would destroy us. It’s hard to see this when the wound is fresh, we believe we will be overcome and are sometimes breathless at the immensity of our pain. And yet, we are never given more than we can carry or more than we can forgive. When you have the experience of a long healed issue coming up again, it’s often our inner wisdom realizing that we have grown, that we have more love to give ourselves, and that we are now ready to heal this wound at a much deeper level. It does not mean that your initial healing was counterfeit. Rather, it means you are stronger now and ready to take the next step.
Of course, this is bad news and good news at the same time. It’s not uncommon to react to this realization with a sense of annoyance that there’s still more to do. After everything you went through, it’s not over. While it may feel this way, realize this is not a punishment of any kind. The good news is, especially if you are currently struggling with a painful relationship or situation: all you are being asked to do is whatever you can right now, nothing more. If you’re going through an intense breakup and can’t yet imagine getting to a place of forgiveness and wholeness, and you don’t need to. What is the least you can do? Speak of them more respectfully? Or simply choose to no longer respond to angry or pleading messages or phone calls. Perhaps you can repeat to yourself “I’m willing to see this differently,” or if your pain is still seeking revenge and retribution, you can offer “I am willing to be willing to see this differently.”
Be kind to yourself. Healing is a journey, not a destination. There are wounds you may be addressing throughout your whole life. Now, this doesn’t mean you need to think about it every day or obsess over it, just realize that there are likely memories or experiences that will peek into your awareness every now and then. And all you need to do is what you can do in the moment.
I know this may not be what you want to hear. Everyone has certain issues we are sick and tired of being sick and tired of dealing with. But consider that part of the reason you are sick and tired of being sick and tired is that you continue to resist taking the healing steps being offered to you right now. Often when these old wounds pop up again we brush them aside telling ourselves we are done with them, but in doing so they only persist. If a wound is rising again, there is more you can do. Look at these moments as opportunities to bring more freedom into your life which is the true invitation. Healing can be a lifetime process, but if you are kind to yourself and continue to do what you can do today, it will also bring with it tremendous joy and peace of mind.
