“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” – Jack Canfield
At the heart of what keeps many of us from moving forward is fear. We worry about whether we are capable of making real change in our lives, if we’ll have the strength to see our goals through, and if the potential of our talents and skills really can carry us to greatness. Many of us feel stuck in this fear of failure and hold ourselves back from making the progress we desire.
Today, I’d like you to consider that the fear keeping you stuck is not that of failure, but of success. Although it seems counterintuitive to fear that which we’re chasing, consider that success is more complex than failure: success brings with it more responsibilities, and there is more on the line, for as we become more successful, the price of failure also increases. Success also comes with more visibility, and there’s more attention on what we do and how we do it and the thought of this kind of scrutiny can be a heavy weight to bear. We may fear the increase in attention and admiration success could bring us if we are shy or socially anxious. It’s also not uncommon to fear the changes – both positive and negative – that success may create in our relationships. Of course we all fear falling short of our dreams, and many of us actively dislike where we are in our lives and may even find our current situation painful, but there is an element of comfort here. We know what to expect, and we have developed effective coping mechanisms for handling our lives. Success, on the other hand, is a giant leap into the unknown.
But there is something much deeper going on than just worrying about whether we can handle success. We fear developing our gifts and talents and throwing ourselves into our dreams because these are the heralds of our higher calling. This isn’t just about success: we are being called to a greater realization of our soul. We quite rightly intuit that this kind of expansion will challenge our assumptions about our very identity and the life we have. What will happen to the safe world we have built for ourselves? The greatness of the soul can often feel a little too great for what we’re prepared for. Many of us fear this growth because we feel unworthy of pursuing something so meaningful. At heart, many of us don’t believe we’re important enough to even have a purpose.
So how do we begin to heal this fear? The realization that we’re afraid of failure and success can be overwhelming and even discouraging. Hopefully, if this isn’t something you’ve considered before, you are beginning to understand why you’ve been working so hard to resist progress. Many of us have created this wall of pain in front of our dreams which makes it impossible for us to move forward. Know, first, that the answer to fear, regardless of what, exactly, we are afraid of, is always self-compassion.
Fear itself is not our problem: fear is an important teacher and can remind us to recalibrate our perspective. One of the common reasons we fear success is because we imagine it as a giant leap from where we are now to where we’d like to be. We don’t often consider the many steps in between, and although we may like the idea of overnight success, fear arises to remind us to deal with what’s directly in front of us. Fear of success is often telling us to embrace the process of growth. Not unlike weight training, the step-by-step expansion of our skills and coping mechanisms are the key to developing our ability to handle success in a healthy way. Likewise, the fear of failure, when seen in the light of compassion, is meant to help us look for the smartest, most healthy ways to take the next step. It’s only when we pressure ourselves with the perfection that these fears balloon into a barrier of pain that keeps us stuck.
Are you afraid of your success? Of your greatness? Do you feel unworthy of accepting the mighty purpose that has been given to you? Fear itself is not a sign of failure, or the loss of hope. Change is difficult: we are asking ourselves to grow beyond our very self-concept. When we are called by the soul we’re being asked to bring more love into the world, not only for others, but for ourselves. Conquer fear with compassion: you are worth your own support and understanding, and it’s this self-kindness that will open the way through fear.
