Shining the Light on the Ego

What is the ego? We often hear the word in a negative context such as “He has a huge ego,” meaning he is so full of himself.  We have all met that person (man or woman, of course) who seems to consider himself to be the greatest thing alive. As I see it, this example is a reflection of the ego, but it doesn’t entirely explain what it is.

OK, so what is the ego?

Every living organism has an ego to some extent. It’s a result of a basic need for self-protection. By defining ourselves, we practice self-preservation. This idea of self-preservation is actually very limiting, as you’ll see if you read on.

The ego contains your self-identifiers. Whatever thoughts or emotions you have associated with your name, for example, are part of your ego. These include whatever words you would use to describe your image of your body and mind.

Your ego also includes your beliefs around who you are as a professional, a mother, a father, a friend- any way you would describe who you are. So your self-identifiers are a part of your ego- the words and phrases you’ve assigned to yourself that make you unique and separate you from everything else.

How accurate is the ego puzzle’s picture?

Every experience we have ever had from birth to the present moment has helped shape our ego. We have all the pieces from the scenes of our life: childhood, family, school, romance, work, travel. It’s like a great big puzzle. What we end up with is this ego picture of ourselves.

Is this ego puzzle accurate? The straight answer is, NO! You may have recognized some of the flaws in your thinking or perceptions when you’ve noticed how negative (or inflated) they can be.

How does the ego create problems?

1. The ego is totally biased. The ego is shaped by the narrative we’ve developed about our lives and our personhood… that is, our negative and inflated narrative. So it’s is a hall of mirrors that we create around ourselves, reflecting our ever-changing self-image.
2. The ego is clingy and defensive. The ego is very clingy and defensive. It likes to hold on to its puzzle pieces and the meanings it’s ascribed to ourselves and others. It doesn’t like to be challenged or be wrong. So the ego resists change. It can make it hard for us to move from one mindset to another, from one vibrational level to the next.

What makes the ego so strong?

The ego has two great allies – the body and the mind. It uses these two components of self to separate us from each other. The ego convinces us that we are our mind, that we are our bodies. It convinces us that we must protect those and stay separate at any cost. It’s the ego that keeps us lonely and unable to love and it is not benign at all … in reality, it holds us hostage.

Are we our body? Our mind?

The reality is that we are neither. We are the spirit behind the mind, behind the body. The mind and body are only vehicles and filters through which we have our experiences. Once the ego convinces us that we are the mind and body, it uses that belief to create inferiority or superiority. We are convinced that we are better or less than others, continually reinforcing our separation.

Then what are we?

This dream, this life, is all about our lessons learned through experiences. The ego makes us believe we are these experiences, it makes us believe we are the body. The ego is a collection of ideas that we have been taught through domestication. We have been conditioned through domestication to be separate, to compete, to see differences, to collect and place value on possessions.

The six ideas of the ego

1. I am what I have. I am the sum of my possessions. The more I have, the more important and successful I am.
2. I am what I do. I am the sum of my accomplishments. The more accolades I have, the more I’ve accomplished, the higher my degree/my GPA/my earning potential/my status, the more I’m worth.
3. I am my reputation. I am what you think of me.
4. I am separate from you because I look different, either better or worse, and our experience is not the same.
5. I am not complete in and of myself – I need other things to complete myself.
6. I am separate from God. God is not in everything, not in me.

Can we eliminate the ego?

Very few people manage to eliminate their ego, but we can quiet it. Here are three very good ways:

1. Stop comparing. There can be no ego without comparison or separation. We can quiet the ego by working to see ourselves in everyone and everyone within ourselves, by focusing on that which connects and joins and unites us.
2. Develop a loving attitude. Love quells the ego’s fire, so we can quiet it by allowing ourselves to feel love and commit acts of love. If I can see myself in you, then I can begin to eliminate the need to be separate. When I can give freely of what I have, my possessions will not define me.

As we stop feeling so separate, we begin to lessen our fear. If we’re not so afraid of others, there’s less need to be so defensive. In this way, over time, the ego loses its grip.

3. Learn to discern whose voice you’re hearing. The ego has one voice – our essence sounds entirely different.When speaking with another person, for example, we can ask ourselves “Who’s talking, ego or essence? Who is speaking?” If I’m explaining something is my explanation given out of love, to share knowledge freely without judgment, or to appear to be the one who knows? If I’m speaking out of love and kindness, it is God, or my essence speaking. If it is to shame someone or to show how smart I am, it’s the ego.

Ego vs. Essence: Darkness vs. Light?

Darkness vs. Light. Does that sound like hyperbole – an overstatement of the way it really is? Just wait. When you start to separate yourself from your ego and see that it’s responsible for the ways of acting that you don’t like or want, it won’t sound so dramatic. As you begin to understand how it acts in you, you’ll feel the ironclad grip it’s had on you. And you didn’t even know it! It won’t be long before you’re wanting to distance yourself as fast as you can.

Of course, that won’t be an easy journey, but you’ll come to realize that as complex and difficult as that journey may be, it’s what you’re here for, it’s what you really want.

So think about it.

When you begin to tame and quiet your ego’s voice, you’ll have a chance of keeping it under control. In this way, you’ll be able to allow your essence to flourish and guide your daily choices.

This is something I work at every day, and I’d love to work with you to do the same. Just get in touch, and we’ll talk.