Are Your Thoughts Thinking You?

If I asked you to describe your relationship with yourself, what would you say? Are you your own best friend, or your worst enemy? Do you encourage yourself to take the leap on new opportunities? Or do you fall prey to fear and limiting self-beliefs? Many of us think of self-sabotage as a character flaw we’re stuck with, or a force outside of our control. In reality, whether we sabotage our best selves or support our better vibrations comes down to how we habitually speak to ourselves.

We are speaking to ourselves nearly every waking moment of our lives. Have you ever stopped and really listened to the stream of thoughts going through your mind each day? It’s this inner commentary that often dictates how we allow ourselves to be treated, the opportunities we see, and whether we will take the risks needed to grow. Do not be fooled: thoughts are not neutral. They are closely bound to our emotions, and often, how we are feeling is a reflection of what we are thinking about. In addition, how we feel in a given moment tends to limit the range of thoughts available to us. For example, in the depths of grief we’re unlikely to remember the great joke we heard last week. Because of this close relationship between our thoughts and emotions, the tone of our self-dialogue has a profound effect on the quality of our lives.

If your self-dialogue is consistently toxic, you are likely bathing in painful emotions. Do you often feel defeated and exhausted? This could be a warning sign that your inner commentary is sabotaging you. Another sign your thoughts are undermining your well-being is chronically feeling alone: you find yourself doubting that anyone truly cares for you, and believe no one will come through for you if you need them. You may expect the worst from every situation and be deeply suspicious of contentment. When you catch yourself in a good mood, are you suddenly overwhelmed with fear as you wait for the next shoe to drop and your happiness to be destroyed? Perhaps you’ve grown so accustomed to a negative mental atmosphere that you’ve come to believe peace of mind only follows external validation or lucky circumstances, that you have no control over your state of mind. Self-sabotage may even be such an ordinary habit for you that you’ve grown numb to the damage it’s causing in your life and has accepted it as fate.

If any of this sounds familiar, you are either in a lot of pain or totally numbed out. Neither is the path to empowerment, but you do not need to continue this way: know that you can heal your mind and learn to support yourself with compassion and understanding. My new book, Deliberate Self-Dialogue, will walk you through this process. In it, you will learn how to develop your awareness of how you speak to yourself, get in touch with the impact it’s been having on your life, and strategies for purposefully shaping a healthy relationship with yourself using the thoughts you dwell on each day. I invite you to explore the power of your words and their potential to create genuine, lasting peace of mind.