How to Make the Best Out of Your Relationship with Yourself and Quiet the Bully Within
Don’t do it that way – you idiot, you failed again!
How come you’re so damn stupid at times? No wonder you never made it past high school.
See, I told you, you’d give up again – that’s why she/he left you, cause you’re a failure anyway!
Does all of this sound a bit too familiar? And no, this isn’t an excerpt from a Hollywood drama movie, and it isn’t, in fact, a conversation between two friends – who on Earth would talk to their friends like that?!
Chances are, this isn’t even a conversation you’d see normally happening between two human beings.
The sad truth is that this is a conversation most of us, no matter how rich or poor, successful or not – myself included – have had with ourselves at some point in our lives.
You’ve got it – we’re talking about the powerful self-talk, the way you make – or break! – your relationship with yourself!
Everyone is doing some sort of a self-dialogue – it’s that tiny voice in the back of your head letting you know how your decisions and actions fit well with the person you are.
It’s that tiny voice that helps you feel better or worse about yourself.
It’s the tiny voice that more often than not, feels like the commanding center of YOU – if you think about it, how often have you felt exactly the way your tiny voice wanted to make you feel?
A bit too often, I’d say.
And while the voice in our head is sometimes reasonable and stops you from making all the wrong choices in life, it can often be way too critical, too much of a perfectionist, never happy with you, no matter what you do.
But what’s even worse than the dreadful, negative self-talk, is that most of the time, you’re not even aware you’re talking to yourself – or should I say, criticizing yourself?
So you spend your life listening to what your biggest critic – yourself! – is saying to you every day, all day long – you’re not good enough, you’re a failure anyway, you’ll never be happy, blah, blah, blah!
Slowly, you start believing what you have to say to yourself – after all, you wouldn’t lie to yourself now, would you?
Why would you want you to feel miserable?
Why would you want you to fail every time you try to do something?
Why would you do this to you – on purpose?
Now, this is where you’re very much wrong.
While a healthy dose of self-awareness is always welcome in life, and acknowledging your flaws & weaknesses can help you more than you think, focusing only on them is a recipe for disaster.
Think of the self-talk as a way of cheering yourself on – I bet that a team of cheerleaders yelling “you suck!” whenever their team does something wrong would be considered the worst cheerleading group in history!
On the other hand, if you think about it, how many times has a team won last-minute just because their cheerleading group was cheering loud and their coach was supportive even if they were losing the game big time?
Here’s a little secret that I’ll let you in on:
People like when someone compliments them and gives them attention and makes them feel understood and appreciated. Positive always wins over the negative – and we, human beings, are made to thrive on positivity.
Try and remember how many times a simple compliment or a smile from a stranger made your day.
Or bigger and more important things for yourself – feeling appreciated and acknowledged by your friends, family, partner, coworkers… We all know how a thank you from your partner for cooking dinner or how a simple job well done from your boss makes you feel better, more confident.
So why don’t you learn how to give that to yourself?
Training yourself not to give any kind of self-talk is impossible – but training yourself to talk positively to yourself is very much possible and desired.
Now, I’m not talking here about living an illusion about your own life and your own surroundings – that’s never a good idea.
My point is that no matter how bad your circumstances might be at the moment, instead of wasting your time and energy on criticizing yourself about it, it might be good to try and think of ways to accept that and work around those circumstances, bit by bit.
You need to become your own biggest cheerleader – and not your biggest critic!
By changing the way you talk to yourself, you’ll discover that positive criticism is one way to get things done!
You will let go of all the anger, frustration and fear that’s been holding you back for ages.
You will become a better person – kinder, more compassionate and more grateful for the life you’ve managed to build for yourself.
And we all know the world needs a few more people like that.
Are you still feeling confused and don’t know where to start about changing the way you talk to yourself? If that might be the case, click here and get yourself a copy of my latest book, Deliberate Self-Dialogue.
By reading the book, not only will you discover more about yourself and get to the roots of your negative self-talk but also, you’ll learn easy ways on how to change the negative into positive and finally become your biggest supporter.
It’s your life! Get to livin’ – today.